Follow Sean Inman to the best in craft beer
I do not know about you but beer on / in my jeans is a bug and not a feature but apparently conservative Republicans think that Each Beer Wash Jeans “outfitted with a unique tag that features a Coors Banquet bottle opener and a patch kit for fans to customize their jeans” is cool.
I will be taking a pass, if I was going to have beer jeans, I would prefer to choose the beer I want scraping my skin myself.
Not Needed – but keep those wacky ideas coming your crazy marketing kids.
Yes, the above does look like a Star Trek cocktail replicator down to the interior mood lighting. It also looks like a Dyson bladeless fan which could lead to trouble.
But it is the BarSys system. Kind of a boring name for basically a cocktail database plus pouring system plus light show. You pour your alcohol in the top as well as mixers on the other side, set your glass in the center and voila, time for a cocktail.
And yeah, it is cool that you can program your recipes plus others and it does look all future-y but part of the pouring a drink process for me is how it is calming and anticipatory to craft a drink. This robs you of that simple pleasure while also making you have to remember when you last cleaned the bourbon section of the device or if there is enough tonic.
Not Needed – make your simple favorites yourself and go to a fancy bar to have fancier cocktails made, that is so much simpler and fun.
Full disclosure, I am calling this an iCooler. It is not a new product. Below is an image and the description of the Claw Cooler from fading into obscurity hard seltzer brand White Claw.
“The CLAW Cooler is a first-ever cooler designed for an endless stock of cold White Claw – without ice! The “magic” inside it involves a specialized sensor that detects when the stock is running low and prompts the user’s smartphone whether they need to refill. The cooler is also temperature controlled via a rechargeable battery, has an LCD interface for emptiness levels and alerts, and has waterproof Bluetooth speakers. “
Needed or Not? – no one needs a web enabled cooler or refrigerator or coffee maker, or name the appliance. Who wants more texts? Or more emails. And I will bet that the battery will either run low in the middle of the day or you will forget to recharge it the night before.
Setting aside that the Chill Pill is also the same name as a sleep aid, why would you buy something that requires you to add ice? Would that not mean that you have refrigeration handy? Gadgets that do not do bulk work, do not work in my world. Just get a regular cooler, there are plenty out there.
Not Needed!
Unless you have been under a large rock, you will have run across the Stanley Tumbler trend. A (somewhat) affordable must have item that people wanted to be seen with so coolness can be associated with and then some started obsessively collecting and fighting for.
But Stanley also has beer items as well. Like this….
A few problems, not clear so you can’t see your beer. Also not something you would use for Kolsch service or a barrel-aged beers and lastly, that is a price tag.
Needed? – No, a simple collection of a few specific beer glasses would be a much better choice.
Marketing folks must get really bored or have an idea quota because some of the stuff they come up with is just bonkers. Here is exhibit A….
Forgoing the easy, mints that taste like water joke, why would anyone pop a Lite beer mint? My guess is that it is a co-packaged mint with no beer from whomever bulk manufactures mints for dirt cheap.
Pass, so very hard.
Setting aside “adaptagens” and “nootropics”, do we need sparkling water to be both double hopped and dry hopped? And who in the sparkling water customer base is going to see that and yank it from the shelves?
What I find extra funny is that the hops are not even labeled but they had room to write “for extra bold flavor”.
Not Needed!
Limited time potato chip varietals will never stop. I like to imagine that there are tubes filled with ten spices and to make a new flavor, in this case, Lays Chip Researchers just re-mixe the spices in different amounts and orders to come up with one that resembles Beer flavor and sausage flavor.
But why? Are they really selling enough of these to justify the new packaging and clip art? I have the same reaction to Chicken and waffles chips too.
NOT needed. Just get a beer, then sausage then add in chips on the side. Or at least Lays should stick to just Brat flavored.
Now-a-days, you are either popping a can top or hacking your way through a waxed seal. Bottle caps are just not part of the current craft beer scenario.
Which leads to the switchblade without a blade but a bottle opener instead. The customization is cool but I do not need to carry one more thing around that I would probably not use. And more than likely, I would forget the one time it could be used.
So, not needed though a good idea.
Sorry, the subject line says Tap Lounger when Coors call it a Chill Throne. Honestly, back massager cool, tap extra cool. Everything else is a hard pass. Plus, I gotta think that when you plug this in it is gonna be hella loud, right?
If I could re-upholster and re-tap handle, then yes. Gimme. Otherwise, no.